As a Valentine’s Day present to my husband, I decided to get marginally dressed again. I put on a bra and a red dress. Unfortunately, the dress, although clean, hadn’t been worn in a while and it smelled musty, so I switched to a pink sweater (pink and red are really living on the cutting edge of colour for me; they scream: I’m dressed up! I’m making an effort! ~ 90% of my wardrobe is black and grey) and leggings that have pockets and corduroy-type ribbing, so they give the impression that they are more civilised than mere cotton leggings. And I put on my new boots. I won’t take a picture every time I put boots on, I swear, but I never thought there would be a pair of flat boots that I liked and, more importantly, were proportional to my munchkin frame.
Unfortunately, after two changes of clothes, my battery is almost dead and I’m dizzy and incredibly drained. I woke up feeling okay, excited that I wasn’t feeling evilly ill, but how dare I pull on leggings that take a bit more effort than PJs and bend down to put on boots rather than slip my feet into slippers? It was too much and it’s only 11am. I know I will be wiped out when my husband gets home.
The entire plan was: get dressed, brush hair and maybe put on make-up. Although, all my make-up is 2+ years old and putting it on means holding my arms up in front of my face, which is a lot of energy, and it also means having to take it off. Exhausting. I wracked my brain to think if there was something I could do to surprise him. Cook dinner? No way. Clean the house ~ or even just the sitting room? Nope. Buy a present? Too late to do it online and I wouldn’t know what to get, anyway. And we’re trying to conserve our savings. So, I think my present is going to be yet another card thanking him for saving my life every day (because, make no mistake, I would be in a very different predicament without him) and wearing clothes that kind of fit me.
The funny thing about my husband is, he would never notice what I’m wearing. I could be sitting on the couch in a ball gown and he wouldn’t bat an eye. I kind of love that about him. I certainly never have to feel self-conscious about looking slovenly. He tells me I’m beautiful even on my sickest days. Love is blind.
One of the most distressing symptoms over the last year is hair loss. Never could I have predicted that I would be upset about my hair. I don’t really like hair. I’ve always preferred men with shaved heads and, half the time when I’m talking to people, I’m thinking about how much I want to tuck their hair behind their ears or put their hair in a ponytail. I find it distracting (and kind of gross) that every woman on tv has what I call “hair curtains”. Long waves down the sides of their face that are pulled forward so they have this weird part in the back of their head and no hair down their back.
Hair curtains.
Weird back of head.
So, what do I care if I have less hair? Well, my hair loss makes me look even more sickly because it is concentrated in the front and on top. You can see my scalp too much and there are clumps of short hairs that are either breaking off or just won’t grow any longer. I was on a Facebook group and someone mentioned that, because she was in the military and constantly wore her hair in a bun, she was going bald on the top of her head, so she cut her hair short. Light bulb! I’ve worn my hair up every day for the last 17 months that I’ve been housebound. So, I’m cutting it short. I’ve had my hair very short before, so it’s not a big deal, but I do have a few concerns: 1) I can’t dye my hair now, so there is a lot of grey. I’m not sure how I’ll like short greying hair. 2) I can’t wash my hair very often and, when it’s dirty, it’s nice to be able to put on a hat and still have the illusion of clean from the long hair coming out below the hat. 3) You can put long hair up in such a way that it gives the illusion of being more “dressed up”. But none of these things will sway me because I have to wear a CPAP! The headgear on a CPAP mask is hell with long hair and is undoubtedly contributing to the hair loss.
My sister’s hair stylist is going to make a house call, bless her heart. I wish I had longer, lovelier hair and I could donate it like Marie did, but I just don’t have the patience to grow it. The point of all this is to say that I guarantee my husband doesn’t even notice when I cut my hair. I have left the house with long blond hair and come back with a dark brown bob and, even when prompted, he couldn’t figure out what was different. When he met me, my hair was very short and fiery red. He’s pretty much seen it all. Luckily, days before I met him he had shaved off his long hippy hair. I sometimes wonder if I would have fallen for him if he had a ponytail. Probably. Love is blind.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
1998
Rag and Bone Shop of the Heart 
I LOVE the boots! And I can’t believe D had long hippy hair! How did I never know that?
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He literally cut it off days before I met him. Lucky! I thought you might like the boots. I’m probably channeling your flat boot style. 🙂
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Yours is the most beautiful valentine I have ever read. You both are beautiful externally and internally.
Fortunately, I am also with someone who loves what is important and you made us both heavenly in your e-card which we loved.
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Haha! D looked great in that e-card, didn’t he? With all the dark hair under the cap? 😉
Thank you for the sweet note. Happy V Day! Xo
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LOVE YOUR COMMENTS ABOUT THE HAIR OF TODAY–LONG, EXTENSIONS, ALL THE SAME!! I’M PREDICTING A SHORT HAIR COME BACK, WHICH WE R ALREADY SEEING. I’VE HAD MY HAIR VERY SHORT & MY NATURAL ”SILVER” (DYING YOUR HAIR IS BAD FOR YOU!) FOR THE 12 YRS I’VE HAD CFS! SO MUCH SIMPLER. I’M FORWARDING THIS; U DESCRIBE SO WELL WHY I SPEND MY DAYS IN MY NIGHTIE–MUCH MORE COMFY WHEN MOST OF WHAT I DO IS IN BED! I SO RELATE TO WHAT U SAY ABOUT BEING SO TIRED BY THE TIME U GET DRESSED, DO HAIR & MAKEUP, THAT U HAVE NO ENERGY LEFT FOR ANYTHING ELSE. VERY HARD FOR OTHERS TO GET THAT CONCEPT!! ENJOY YOUR DAY AS BEST U CAN!! BJ.
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Thanks, BJ! Thank you for forwarding it. I look forward to the day I am able to get dressed and make myself look pretty, but, until I have more energy, I need to save it for more important endeavors like… writing blog rants! 😉
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Ha, hair curtains! True! I have always had short, frizzy hair (similar to my avatar), and I am going gray also. Gray curly hair looks like steel wool, so I’m desperately trying to find some kind of dye I can tolerate. They’re all bad. Your valentine is beautiful and I love your flat boots (I can’t wear heels anymore either, so I have a similar pair with buckles). Hope you and your husband have an amazing Valentine’s Day.
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I figure I won’t start experimenting with hair dye (Aveda? Henna?) if/until I am actually leaving my house and seeing people! Valentine’s Day was crappy because I really was in bed the rest of the day after this, but thank you for the wishes!
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You’re welcome! 😀
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You’re welcome! It was still a beautiful post. A lot of the natural dyes have bad ingredients… Naturtint comes to mind. Ecocolors is supposed to be safe but I don’t know about the gray coverage. For henna there is a site called hennaforhair… I can’t post the link from my phone but I think you can Google it. As for leaving the house you will totally get there… I believe in you.
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You will totally get to the point of leaving the house… I believe in you. You are doing so much research and it has to pay off somehow. As for hair dye watch out for Naturtint… It’s just as bad as the commercial dyes. EcoColors is supposed to be safe but I’m not sure about the gray coverage. There’s a site called hennaforhair that is supposed to be good, only I can’t post the link. I still use commercial dyes… I changed all my products but I can’t find a good substitute for that.
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Happy valentines day lovely! Can’t wait to see you with short hair again, you always rocked the pixie cut.
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Awww, thanks Soly! I hope you had a lovely Valentine’s Day with your beautiful family. Cannot WAIT to see your smiling face again! xo
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LOL at the hair curtains! I thought I was the only one that ever thought this! With the hair loss thing – I’m with you, although I’m a hair enthusiast, the bigger the better in my opinion, but since being ill my hair has gradually been thinning out, I bought a synthetic half head wig to wear for those days I’m feeling particularly down about it! Happy V Day 🙂 ❤
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H-E, your hair is BEAUTIFUL. I’ve been jealous of it when I see your photos. 🙂 But I’m sorry yours has also thinned, too. You and Jak have inspired me to consider a wig… if I ever go out again. Hope you and your BF had a lovely Valentine’s Day. x
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I did the same thing of going through things I could do for my fiancé. I had ideas, but all of them would leave him with a useless me when he arrived home…Just making him his card forced me to rest from 130 to 430. I will be happy when this flare up is over! I’d also be okay not celebrating any holidays for roughly a year.
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Yeah, holidays are overrated. We just need to do the special things throughout the year whenever we have the energy . I’ve been thinking about you, I really hope you are feeling better. Bring on the spring! x
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Aw, thanks! I think of you often as well. Being able to get out and get some fresh air will have to do us some good. 🙂
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I laughed over the hair curtains too! Very funny descriptions. I also laughed about your honey not noticing your hair changes. Mine is like that too. I can go from long to a shoulder-length bob and he doesn’t notice a thing.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
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Gotta love men who see the inside not the outside!
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What a beautiful outpouring of love 😉 I love the boots too and I too rock the flat footwear, I love my flats!! As for your hair… go for it… I am now showering THREE times a week because of my pixie hair. No achy arms washing it or brushing it. I’m 33 and my sides are going grey but I don’t care. I think it adds wisdom! LOL. Happy Valentie’s Day to you and your wonderful husband. You are blessed. xx
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I’VE ALWAYS LOVED MY SILVER HAIR; PEOPLE WOULD ASK MY HAIRDRESSER TO DO THEIRS THAT COLOR! WITH SHORT HAIR, U CAN EVEN DO A SINK RINSE, IF NEEDED. I ALWAYS ENVIED LONG HAIR–NO MORE. PEOPLE TELL ME HOW YOUNG I LOOK–I’M 69! MY SISTER STILL HAS HER LONG LOCKS AT 60–SO MUCH WORK! I HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO WEAR HEELS FOR ALMOST 20 YRS! WHAT A HORRIBLY UNHEALTHY INVENTION–WHO EVER CAME UP WITH THAT?? NOWADAYS THEY’RE LUDICROUS WITH BIG PLATFORMS & THOSE RIDICULOUSLY HIGH HEELS–I DON’T THINK THEY R AT ALL FLATTERING–MAKES WOMEN’S FEET LOOK HUGE! TO THINK I USED TO WORRY MY FEET WERE TOO BIG!! LOL.
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That is a huge plus, Marie ~ being able to wash my hair 3 times a week would be wonderful. And my husband not having to help dry it would be wonderful for him. We definitely have more wisdom now! Hope you and your hubby had a happy Valentine’s day. xo
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The short hair is definitely easier in a lot of ways. I had my husband cut all mine off with our office scissors a while back and have been slowly growing it back out since. I’m thinking your sister’s hair stylist is probably a more reliable call. 🙂
I tried putting on some make-up for my anniversary last year. No foundation or mascara because I knew it would be harder to get off. I could imagine getting all made up and then running out of energy and having no choice but to leave it on for the next several days or more. Hot.
It was still exhausting. It’s no fair that trying to get ready for a special occasion wipes out energy to HAVE the special occasion.
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So good to hear from you! You crack me up.
Yeah, my husband came home and I was flat out on the floor, under a blanket, with my boots sticking out. “Look, honey, I got dressed up for you,” I said nodding to my feet. That was it. He got my scratch cards. We’re so romantic. 🙂
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The boots rock and I’m sure would look equally fabulous with pjs 😉
As you know I resorted to wigs for my hair loss. I started with a short wig, cos that was most like my own hair, then recently tried a longer bob. I hate it! It’s always tangled, get in my food when I’m eating and makes me look 10 years older than my short wig did. So it’s back to pixie hair for me – I’m sure you’ll look *fabulous* with your new hair do 🙂
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