Yesterday was bad. Like I said, the last three months have been a roller coaster of really bad days punctuated, thankfully, by some respite. Last week on Friday, I was almost as sick as I was yesterday, lying in the same bed, looking out the same window, feeling the same despondency. But I woke up on Saturday feeling so much better. In my healthy life, I couldn’t have believed how quickly an illness could change. You really can be talking about ending it all one day and laughing with your dogs the next. It makes it seem a bit girl-who-cried-wolf, but it’s not, I promise. The bad is that bad and the good, although not that good, is so extremely, completely, acutely appreciated.
So last Saturday… It was freezing, but blue skies and sunny. I’d been inside for weeks and I was feeling very “I’m out of bed! Hello? I feel better! Anyone there? Quick, someone take me somewhere!” My husband was out with friends, my mother and aunt were eating Italian food in a restaurant in Dublin, my best friend was having dinner in our friends’ house in Dublin, my sister was on the town in Paris… I told myself, You were so sick yesterday, you just need to rest , but everyone was doing fun things and I wanted to, too, dammit! So I loaded my dogs into the car and drove (for the first time in months) to the dog park. We only stayed half an hour and I was on alert the whole time, knowing that if they got into an altercation, I would destroy myself breaking it up, but… I did it. And chatted to TWO people. It was great. Here’s evidence:
The next day… I still felt okay! So we went to my favourite place, the cemetery. I rode my scooter and my husband cycled my his bike and the boys ran and ran with big grins on their faces. My nose was running and my fingers were bloodless and numb, but it was so sorely needed. Here are a selection of cemetery shots from the last four months:
Bowie in August.
Riley in September.
Bowie in September.
Bowie in October.
Boys in October.
SQUIRREL!!
Bowie in November.
Bowie in November at dusk.
Riley in November at dusk (he usually moves too fast for me to get a photo of him).
Bowie in December.
Where’s Daddy going?
I couldn’t leave this blog festering in the bad of yesterday. My friends are so caring and feel so deeply — thank you to those that have left me messages of support. It means a great deal that you can still offer compassion after all this time.
Rag and Bone Shop of the Heart 
So glad it’s a better day! Carpe Diem (ack! Flashback to Dead Poet’s Society. I must have watched that movie 20 times). Hope tomorrow is as good as today.
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Thanks for rooting for me, Karen. I LOVED Dead Poets Society. O captain! My captain!😊
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Love, love, love these pictures 🙂 Soooo glad you maanged some time out with your boys x
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Thanks, Jak! My monthly trips out with the boys are everything to me. 😘
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So, so glad you got to enjoy a better day. xxx
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You are deeply loved. Often have thought of you on this trip and have thought if only “” were here to enjoy this with her sister. The pictures are beautiful and strong….as are you ♡♡♡♡
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Oh, Maureen, I would have loved to be with you more than you know, but I was living vicariously through your photos! Thanks for always leaving such lovely comments. X
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I so love seeing photos of what you’ve been up to! It means so much more than anyone else’s Facebook photos. Know that you are much loved and in my prayers.
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Marley, I never saw this kind comment! It means SO much to me to know you’re out there, caring… I don’t say that lightly. This illness is very isolating, so these well wishes hold me up. ❤
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After a post about having a rough time, I always feel the need to do an “it’s not all bad” post too. 😊
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I know, Jackie, it may be because I feel guilty about whining or maybe it’s superstition or maybe it’s just wanting to leave positive ripples out in the universe.
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I’m so glad you were able to enjoy a day out with your dog! Cute video and I love all the photos!
Deciding how and when to expend energy is always a tough balance. On the one hand, resting usually makes us feel better. It’s good to rest and conserve energy.
On the other hand, sometimes you have to throw that idea out the window and “Make hay while the sun shines.” Feeling a bit better? Go outside and enjoy a bit of walking around! (or wheeling around for those who use a scooter or wheelchair)
And I don’t know about you but I always feel much better in the cold due to my Orthostatic Intolerance (blood vessels constrict = less in hands/feet = MORE blood in internal organs … at least I think that’s how it works).
PS. I think I’ve been to this blog before, not sure, but I’m pretty sure this is my first comment!
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