Last night was a terrible night. I took the LDN at 9:45pm and stayed up until 11:45pm to make sure I felt okay. I still had a tight chest and a headache all day yesterday. I was so tired, but my brain was buzzing. I woke up every 20 minutes to hour the whole night. 12:05am, 12:25am, 1245am, 1:15am, 2am… Each time I looked at the clock, I couldn’t believe such a short time had passed. I had two nightmares that woke me gasping for air, turning the light on, unsure of where I was. I felt feverish the whole night, had sweats, was burning up. I took my temperature multiple times and couldn’t believe it was normal. How can I be this hot, sweaty and shaky and not have a fever? I got 7 hours sleep in the end.
This morning, I ache. I wonder how long I can stay on this drug. If it’s going to make me worse before it makes me better, can I stick with it? I was getting better in the weeks before I started LDN, I think. Now, I feel like I’ve been set back a month. My head hurts, my shoulders and back hurt. My hands are so swollen, I can’t make fists. And they hurt ~ the bones and the muscles. I am shaky, my eyes are puffy, I feel like I inhaled a cat, and I am hobbling because my muscles are so stiff. God, all I want is deep, long sleep for days in a row. It would change my life, I think. But I still don’t want to try painkillers, especially now that I am on LDN because I like to do one drug at a time. I’m not even taking melatonin or my antihistamine or my inhaler (although, I think that will change today).
I have this device called a Zeo. I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to track their sleep habits. I wear a headband at night and it tells me exactly when I woke up, when I was in deep sleep, REM and light sleep. I can go back and see that the day I felt really good ~ the day I started raking LDN ~ I had had 8.5 hours sleep. Unheard of! I don’t think I’ve had that much sleep since I was a child. Or maybe since I was a drinker. Since that night, I have had a total of 19 hours sleep. In three nights. Not enough for me to feel better. Not enough for me to recover. Sometimes I think I might be able to start to cure myself if I could just sleep.