You know those people that really LOVE clean living and eating paleo and JUICING? I’m not one of them. You know those people who are perfectly happy doing things in moderation, keeping a set routine, keeping a steady demeanor? I’m not one of them, either.

Let me be completely honest: I want to be starting the night off with a margarita, I want to eat real mac and cheese and king crab legs dipped in butter and fresh, soft garlic bread and a huge filet with a glass or three of dry red wine. I want a double espresso and decadent carrot cake.

I want to run around city streets (wearing make-me-tall boots) with great friends, socializing until the sun comes up. I want loud music, eye contact, and discussions that turn into heated, passionate debates. I want to yell and exclaim and laugh until my stomach hurts and be dumbfounded by how clever my company is. I want whiskey and baileys and cigarettes and to never get a booze or smoke hangover.

I want to make an impression on people, I want to make a difference in the world, I want to lend a helping hand. I want to experience every culture, every custom. I want to listen to the ocean waves while I sit around a crackling bonfire, gulp fresh mountain air while hiking trails, and feel the heavy hush of a forest cloak me in peace. I want to be moved by a performance and silenced by art. I want to cry because I watched a beautiful film or because I miss someone terribly, not because I’m in pain or paralyzed with fear. I want to wake up cozy, comfy and content and love watching the morning light coming through the window… Not be so exhausted I’m pinned to the mattress and the room is so black and cold, it could be a tomb.

If my body was not an issue, I might be fat, drunk and broke, but I’d be fearless and full of joy… and rarely be alone.

Oh, and I would have fabulous shoes.