I don’t get to stay up late even though it’s new year’s eve. One bad night is like poking holes in a dam: For each disruption in the night, for each minute of sleep lost, the dam that holds the symptoms at bay springs a leak. If I can’t plug the holes quicker than they form, the whole barrier might crumble and fall… And the tsunami will come crashing down. So, I’m in bed, pretending I’m in New York and it’s already past midnight.
I’m ending this year on a relative high. These are the hours of sleep I’ve had in the last week:
For those of you that know me, you probably realise that this has never happened in my life. 8 hours of sleep is unheard of. 9 hours is unthinkable. Perhaps as a child I slept well, but I don’t think so. Since I can remember, I’ve been trying to replenish my appalling sleep deficit… Years upon years upon years… Everything wakes me: my husband snoring, the dog scratching, the heater moaning, footsteps, a crack of light, a car door slamming, the bathroom fan. And, once awake, I’m screwed. My brain is on high-speed from the first second: replaying conversations, making to-do lists, thinking about who I’ve neglected and what chores need doing, rewriting tv shows, writing blog posts, remembering everything I’ll just forget again once I get up.
I’ve worn my Zeo head band for years. When I was working 50 to 60 hours a week, I averaged 6 hours- or just under- of sleep over the course of about a year. When I was working in the corporate office, I managed to get my average up to almost 7 hours a night. Today, after this last month, it is 8. Eight! Lucky 8! I want to celebrate my eight! But I won’t. I’ll go to sleep and the rest of you can let off a bunch of fireworks and get drunk and kiss each other – all in honour of my sleep accomplishment this week. Oh, and 2013, too. Bring it on. Good riddance, 2012. May we all stay healthy or become healthier in the new year. That’s my only resolution: I resolve to kick M.E.’s ass. I am not gonna be that little Dutch boy with my finger in the dam no more!
Happy New Year, World!