Don’t say all this rubbish and stop thinking.

Thank you for letting me rant, dear readers. You’ll be happy to know that I just lay down for my morning meditation and the annoyance and frustration at the doctors has dissipated. Their reasons for not wanting to do new blood tests are logical and I actually agree wholeheartedly that there are too many tests being done and that the discovery of harmless anomalies lead doctors and patients down a rabbit hole of more and more invasive tests and more money spent and time wasted… I get it and I agree. I am desperate for a discovery, though. Because I had a false positive malaria test, I keep wondering if one of the other tests I had was a false negative. I’m desperate for a eureka moment.

And, when it comes to all those physical tests that the doctors didn’t do, I will choose to see that as generous. I’m not sure what all the tests entail and what conclusions can be drawn from their results, but I do know I’m not worried about my balance (except insofar as I get dizzy every time I stand up, which I’m used to) and brain fog is about 10th on my list of symptomatic concerns. So, CF Doc, thank you for being generous enough to not subject me to tests. Thank you for noticing how slumped I was in that chair and understanding what that must mean and choosing not to subject me to any energy-draining diagnostic tests.

Oh, and thank you for caring about my mental well being. Meditation is doing more than your psychotherapist ever could, but I’ll still go to see her in case she has some special insights into coping with chronic pain.

There. My Zen moment. See what quiet introspection can do?

How long will you think about this painful life?
How long will you think about this harmful world?
The only thing it can take from you is your body.
Don’t say all this rubbish and stop thinking.


2 thoughts on “Don’t say all this rubbish and stop thinking.

  1. stacie says:

    The dizziness when you stand is a blood pressure issue. Orthostatic intolerance..vaso vagal syncope.. common in cfs. Also.. if you haven’t been tested for lyme disease..look it the symptoms..and think about asking for a test..the western blot test is most accurate. Its so similar to cfs symptom-wise. Just wanted you to be aware of lyme. Lyme can be treated with long term antibiotics…the sooner the better…the longer its in you the harder to kill and becomes chronic lyme.


  2. Stacie says:

    We shouldn’t have to “get used to it”… and just live with it… Just because we deal with it everyday doesn’t mean it’s ok/normal… I actually had a nurse say those words to me surprisingly, as she asked my symptoms during a routine cardio checkup… she asked fatigue. yes, sore throat, yes, …among longs of other questions where i say yes..but I ALWAYS have this, and hae felt this way for over 8 years…she said.. “that doesn’t mean it’s normal!”


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