May Update

Let’s see, what’s been going on in my life? Well, April was the best month I have had in about six months. I have been walking 1000 to 1500 steps a day instead of the 500 average in December. I have been out of bed for about 9 hours a day instead of the 5 that it was for so long. I’m still housebound, but I’ve been in the garden and tried driving myself to nearby appointments. Best of all, I’ve been upbeat. Just like that… I get some space from the crippling symptoms and my mood brightens and the future seems oh so hopeful.

I’ve been on Prednisone for three weeks now (my feeling better started about two or three weeks before, so I can’t credit Prednisone). As much as I don’t want to be on it, every doctor I see has encouraged me to give it a try for diagnostic purposes. It’s only 5mg, but it was still rough in the beginning. I wasn’t sleeping well and I was grouchy and hungry. Those side effects seem to have abated, but I have others that continue: more facial hair growth (which would be great if it were my eyebrows and eyelashes) (but it’s not), swollen, hot hands and feet and constipation. The latter is the biggest problem. I feel like my bowel is inflamed, swollen and stagnant, which is the opposite of what I would think steroids would do. On the plus side, my skin is much, much better (although I was warned about the Prednisone-withdrawal acne flares by my dermatologist) and my joints seem to be bothering me less in the night (specifically, my shoulders and hips. They still crack and pop constantly, but they’re not as sore).

I saw my first naturopath. Some of you, I’m sure, will roll your eyes and some of you will wonder WTF took me so long! I am in the best place possible to visit excellent NDs because Bastyr University is right up the road, but I’ve held out because my faith has always sat solidly with allopathic doctors and western medicine. But, now, I’ve lost all faith. I told her that, too. I told her I am conflicted: On the one hand, I applied, got in and intended to attend Bastyr. I have researched it and I know the training they give and the scope of treatments NDs employ… And, on the other hand, for reasons I cannot quite understand, I want some big machine to find the problem inside me and some specialist to prescribe a drug that will make it all better and I can go on living. I know better! I know that what happened to me was the perfect storm of genetics, upbringing, lifestyle choices, viral exposure, toxin burden, detox pathway blockage, immune system malfunction, nervous system blitz etc. I know that I need full-body, whole-life help, so I’m not sure why it took me 40 healthcare practitioners to finally see an ND.

Well, let me tell you, I left in tears of gratitude. I needed someone to replace the Good Doctor and now I have the Better Doctor. She spent 3 hours with me. What?! Who does that? She took my history from womb to present. She addressed everything. She had ideas to support my system from all angles: endocrine, digestion, liver, adrenals, nutrients, lymph, circulation and on and on. She said, “Email me any time and, if you are scared or freaking out about a symptom or side effect, call me.” Who does that? She said she wanted to come with me to my endocrinology follow-up to hear what the doctor had to say from the horse’s mouth. No cost. Who does THAT?!

She wants me to try some things that I would normally scoff at, such as castor oil over my liver and high-dose vitamin C, but, what I keep reminding myself is: a multi-vitamin gave you the worst side effects you’ve ever experienced . Your weird pressure-point-restore-circulation physical therapy is the only thing that has helped. So, I’m open to anything. She wants me to come in every week for hydrotherapy. I’m not sure what this involves yet. I’ll let you know.

The clinic gave me a huge discount on the visit and supplements because I have no income and it’s located about 5 minutes from my house, which means I can drive myself on good days. All in all, I’m excited. But, I have a history of being excited by first appointments and disappointed in the long run, so it’s a cautious optimism.

I finally managed to apply for disability. My “rehab counselor” (aka shrink) gave me the name of a lawyer and that’s all I needed because I couldn’t manage to get going on my own. I never spoke to the lawyer, only her assistant who told me what info they needed. I spent a few weeks creating a spreadsheet of all the doctors I have seen, clinic addresses, tests ordered, drugs prescribed and, when the phone appointment happened, she didn’t need anything else (thank god because talking is still so difficult). The hardest part was I got a letter from the lawyer saying they will submit the info, it will take 6 to 8 months for a decision. It will probably be denied and they will file an appeal and if I don’t hear from them for a year or two, don’t be alarmed. I knew this was the case, but it was demoralizing to see it in print. If I had managed to apply or find a lawyer when I left work two years ago (how the hell has it been two years?!? LIFE IS SLIPPING BY!), I’d already be at the appeal court date by now.

That’s about it for now. I’m very busy this month: a teeth cleaning, a new dentist for a new oral appliance for sleep apnea (and it all starts over from the beginning) and follow-ups with my GP, rheumatologist, nutritionist and dermatologist, plus the hydrotherapy and mental therapy appointments… Exhausting.

It’s chilly again here and one of my dogs broke his toe chasing squirrels, so we’re all stuck back in the house being lumps on logs. I did manage to make it to the cemetery on my mobility scooter on that last hot day (thank you, husband, for making that happen). It was glorious.

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Yes, I’ve used steroids.

Every time I try a new drug, I first get ready for the hospital. I have lived under the specter of anaphylaxis for 13 years and, in the last 2 years, the knowledge that many drugs – even ones I have taken often – can crush my lungs and shut down my airways. There’s also the fact that my autoimmune urticaria and angioedema manifests itself as tongue swelling. My allergist said, “Some people get hives, some people get puffy faces, unfortunately for you, your tongue swells and that can be life threatening.”

So, today, before spraying a new powdered corticosteroid up my nose, I ate something, drank a lot of water, locked the back door, made sure the dogs were inside, took off my pjs and put on black yoga pants and a sweatshirt (this is “dressed” in my world). I also put my phone by my purse and made sure my husband was reachable.

But let me back up. I saw an ENT doctor on Tuesday. I made an appointment on Monday with the only doctor near my house that had an opening. I really liked his bio on the hospital website, too, and I wasn’t disappointed – he was very nice and thorough. I drove myself, which was fine, but his office was down a very long hall and I was once again confronted with how hard it is to navigate the world as a disabled person. I walked that hall, but what if I couldn’t? What if eventually I can’t? You need a strong, able-bodied caregiver, a wheelchair and much more time.

I haven’t been using my CPAP for about a month (which wreaks havoc on my sleep and health) because my sinuses have been too swollen. A few weeks ago, I decided to try irrigating them with a saline solution, since everyone swears by this (I used the squeeze bottle instead of the neti pot). I felt water in my ears and it came out my mouth and eye (seriously!), as well as the other nostril. It was thoroughly unpleasant, but I persevered twice more – until the water in my ears was bad enough to stop my insisting it was healthy. Over the next week it grew more and more uncomfortable and I was forced to make the appointment after pain radiated into my eye socket and cheek and jaw bones.

The ENT doctor looked in my ears (no infection) and rummaged in my mouth and pressed on my jaw (TMJ problems, which I knew) and asked if he could spray a decongestant plus lidocaine in my nose. I explained my sensitivity to drugs and asked him if the outcome would change his course of treatment and he said probably not, but he’d like to scope my sinuses. I told him, Bring it on! We don’t need no stinkin’ lidocaine! One side was easy, the other was much more swollen and his wee camera had a tough time getting around the corners. At one point, I thought he might puncture my eyeball. That wasn’t too fun.

He offered a five day course of prednisone, which I declined and he offered to inject my sinuses with steroid, which I declined. He said the swelling seems to be allergy-related and said I should try different steroid sprays until I find one that doesn’t give me migraines and, if none of them worked, we could consider other options. So, off I went with 4 samples to research and worry about. I eliminated the steroid + antihistamine because there seemed to be a tendency to lose one’s sense of taste, I eliminated the spray with the highest incidence of headaches in the clinical trials and my final pick was based on user reviews. Of course steroid warnings are scary for someone like me: you can catch things easier because your immune system is suppressed; don’t take if you have adrenal insufficiency; it can make viral/bacterial/parasitic/fungal infections worse; tell your doctor if you’ve never had chicken pox or measles (I’ve had neither)… And then, of course, it can cause nose bleeds, holes in the septum, headaches, allergic reactions and anaphylaxis. Joy.

A few minutes ago, I sprayed Zetonna up my nose. Because it is a metered spray, I can’t try a small dose like I normally would. I use what the rest of the population uses: one spray up each nostril, once a day. At least with my antihistamine nasal spray, I only took one spray once a day when the adult dose was two sprays twice a day. So, I wait and hope that I have no instant hives or swelling, no trouble breathing in an hour or two, no rash tomorrow, no migraine in a week, and no virus or bronchitis in the months to come. Oh, and that it actually works and the swelling goes down and I can sleep and breathe properly again. Wish me luck.

Gratitude for the day: I got to see my big brother yesterday, who was here on a layover (he’s a pilot). I was shaky, hoarse, headachy, exhausted and couldn’t do much but recline on the couch while we visited for a few hours, but that was enough to raise my spirits and calm down my crazy, agitated, insomniac nervous system. Love you, bro!!