Diet Day 7 later…fruit sucks.

Am I jinxed or what? Did I do something evil in a past life? Since the earwigs-in-the-peach fiasco, fruit-wise, I have only eaten bananas and frozen strawberries (the latter I grew, washed, cut and froze myself, so I knew they were safe). I haven’t taken even a tentative step towards any fruit that has a proper core with seeds or pits – until tonight.

My breakfast was delicious: banana, strawberry, walnut, vanilla smoothie and some granola on the side. I went to a restaurant for lunch and had an amazing salad of romaine, jicama, mandarin orange segments, red pepper, pumpkin seeds and grilled chicken breast. The salad was big enough to be my dinner, too, if I added a little something on the side and I decided to have apple slices with cashew butter. Yum, right?

The rest of the story is shown below. The center of the apple was a big fuzz pile of mold. Seriously? Life does not want me to eat fruit. So, in my disgust and frustration, the petulant child came out again and I reached for the granola. Screw you, life! I’m having bad, sweet, oats for dinner! Life is just lucky I didn’t have the chocolate peanut butter ice cream in my freezer for dinner — then she’d really be sorry she fucked with my good fruit intentions.


Diet Day 4… Earwigs for breakfast.

I don’t like fruit. I’ve never really liked fruit. It doesn’t taste very good, it’s not filling, it gives you a stomach ache, it messes with your bowels. I have never understood people that buy fruit to eat it raw for the taste. I’ve only ever eaten it because it’s supposed to be good for me. Bananas gross me out. I eat them all the time because I’m trying to be good to my body, but they are the right taste and texture for about 3 minutes during their lifetime. Before that, they are grassy and tart, afterwards, they are muddy and diarrheal. My coworkers used to eat brown bananas by my desk just to see me wretch.

Well, now, with this diet, I am forced to eat a lot of fruit. I was trying to be positive: Mmm, fresh produce! Yum, berries! Apples taste great! This morning, I did that while eating my breakfast peach: Peaches are so good in season! So juicy and tasty and fresh! But, they’re not! It’s a lie. Their skin is freaky fuzzy and they always have brown soft spots that feel …contagious. But, by god, I wasn’t going to eat another Lara Bar for breakfast, so I persevered. When I was almost finished, the peach cracked open. The center had no pit ~ it was rotten and very moldy and, joy, two earwigs scurried out. I screamed, dropped the peach, my dog jumped up with his ears flattened and tail tucked, the earwigs disappeared (I honestly can’t find them anywhere) and then I promptly puked.

My husband happened to stop by the house while this was happening. He said, “Why does this stuff always happen to you?” And then he reminded me of the time a few years ago when I had bitten into a cashew and found a bug inside. Probably not the best thing to bring up when I’m doubled over the toilet and half of my current diet is nut-based.

So, I ask you, do I decide to have a liquid breakfast of chocolate almond milk every morning and just deal with the nausea that the pills will give me? Or, do I decide that I am allowed to eat oats, only in the morning in the form of granola, muesli, porridge or oat/nut/fruit bars? Do I perservere and eat a banana every morning during that 3-minute window of banana goodness and call that my breakfast? Or do I say, my quality of life is suffering and now, not only am I sick physically, but I’m sick to my stomach and depressed thinking about food every day, so fuck it…? What do you vote, readers?