I don’t like fruit. I’ve never really liked fruit. It doesn’t taste very good, it’s not filling, it gives you a stomach ache, it messes with your bowels. I have never understood people that buy fruit to eat it raw for the taste. I’ve only ever eaten it because it’s supposed to be good for me. Bananas gross me out. I eat them all the time because I’m trying to be good to my body, but they are the right taste and texture for about 3 minutes during their lifetime. Before that, they are grassy and tart, afterwards, they are muddy and diarrheal. My coworkers used to eat brown bananas by my desk just to see me wretch.

Well, now, with this diet, I am forced to eat a lot of fruit. I was trying to be positive: Mmm, fresh produce! Yum, berries! Apples taste great! This morning, I did that while eating my breakfast peach: Peaches are so good in season! So juicy and tasty and fresh! But, they’re not! It’s a lie. Their skin is freaky fuzzy and they always have brown soft spots that feel …contagious. But, by god, I wasn’t going to eat another Lara Bar for breakfast, so I persevered. When I was almost finished, the peach cracked open. The center had no pit ~ it was rotten and very moldy and, joy, two earwigs scurried out. I screamed, dropped the peach, my dog jumped up with his ears flattened and tail tucked, the earwigs disappeared (I honestly can’t find them anywhere) and then I promptly puked.

My husband happened to stop by the house while this was happening. He said, “Why does this stuff always happen to you?” And then he reminded me of the time a few years ago when I had bitten into a cashew and found a bug inside. Probably not the best thing to bring up when I’m doubled over the toilet and half of my current diet is nut-based.

So, I ask you, do I decide to have a liquid breakfast of chocolate almond milk every morning and just deal with the nausea that the pills will give me? Or, do I decide that I am allowed to eat oats, only in the morning in the form of granola, muesli, porridge or oat/nut/fruit bars? Do I perservere and eat a banana every morning during that 3-minute window of banana goodness and call that my breakfast? Or do I say, my quality of life is suffering and now, not only am I sick physically, but I’m sick to my stomach and depressed thinking about food every day, so fuck it…? What do you vote, readers?